Movie Review: Iron Man DVD

A lot of male moviegoers were excited about the recent release of Iron Man DVD. I had not seen it when it was in the theaters, but thought I should check it out and see what the commotion was all about. Turns out, Iron Man DVD is pretty fun.

I am Iron Man DVD

I am Iron Man DVD

Robert Downey Jr. plays Tony Stark, an incredibly smart guy who makes bombs for the army. He’s a lot like Christian Bale’s non-Batman in that he is a playboy and dates a lot of girls and has tuxedo parties. Maybe even a little too similar to Batman? Just saying…

Iron Man DVD begins with Tony Stark visiting some of his army friends in a desert country. Things take a quick turn for the worse, however, when Tony Stark is kidnapped by men who live in a cave. The cavemen want him to build a missile for them to use against other cave people. And to insure that he does so, the cavemen steal his heart! So, in order to stay alive, Tony builds a new heart made out of what appears to be an old LED flashlight. One that constantly glows from beneath his clothes and helps him see in the dark cave. The next day, Tony kills the cavemen and escapes to safety by building a bulletproof robot suit that shoots fire.

Back in the United States, we see Tony’s house in…wait for it, MALIBU! That’s right, he lives in Malibu, just like yours truly. That is so amazing. What’s up 3-1-0?!

Iron Man shows his dad his flashlight heart

Iron Man shows his dad his flashlight heart

Tony is reunited with his secretary Piper (played by Gweneth Paltrow) and his dad (played by a bald actor) who are glad he is alive. Tony builds another bulletproof robot suit, a way cooler-looking one that has a computer and shoots lightning from its hands. Wearing the new suit, Tony goes back in time to kill the cavemen from the beginning of the movie. Is the movie over? No way! It’s just getting started. There are more flying scenes and also some funny scenes with Tony and his pet robots.* In the end, it comes down to a big climactic duel between Tony and his dad, who decides to wear the original robot suit (which is huge! It’s at least 30 feet tall, no joke) and beat people up, destroy cars and shoot missiles. Who wins, you ask? Well, you’ll just have to rent the movie and find out for yourself. But, I would like to see his dad come back to life, if they do another movie.

For the most part, I thought Iron Man DVD was a pretty good movie. I did have a few problems with the script, though. Firstly of all, why didn’t they show any cavewomen? I mean, do cavemen just grow in the cave like mushrooms? I don’t think so. The fact that they only showed cavemen seemed a little sexist IMO. Secondly of all, why does Tony Stark have so much hair if his dad is totally bald? Don’t get me wrong, I totally respect Robert Downey Jr. for hiring a bald actor to play his dad (bald actors don’t get many parts in movies unless it is as a police boss or a principal or one of Vin Diesel’s characters) but it seemed like better casting could have been considered. I’m sure they could have hired someone with hair to play the dad and still given the bald actor another part in the movie: i.e. next door neighbor or a guy in a restaurant. Just my two cents, though. Thirdly of all, they never show Tony Stark and Piper get married. WTF? Hello, they’re in love. Now, in his defense, I’m sure Robert Downey Jr. had a lot on his mind, but it’s too bad he didn’t pay more attention to the plot holes that were, to me, pretty apparent.

Tony Stark waves to some friends

Tony Stark waves to some friends

I think that it’s possible that Robert Downey Jr. could make an Iron Man DVD 2 and even 3. I can see this story and the Iron Man character continuing and developing into a whole series like the Pirates of the Caribbean or even become a hugely successful trilogy like the Harry Potter films. I would love to see Gweneth Paltrow and Tony Stark have a kid and then they become a whole family of Iron People that fights crime. That would kick butt! Just a hint, Mr. Downey Jr. ;)

There were lots of extras features for Iron Man DVD, but, honestly, I wasn’t that interested in any of them, so didn’t pay much attention. But I’m sure they were really good and had lots of information about stuff.

I give Iron Man DVD 4 out of 5 winks.

*Sorry if that’s a spoiler. I wasn’t sure, though.

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36 Comments on “Movie Review: Iron Man DVD”

  1. darker Says:

    EPIC

    I was waiting for this

  2. sizzle Says:

    That bald guy is THE DUDE! How can you not recognize him?

  3. receding.hairline.man Says:

    I think they should have given the bald guy a wig. Hollywood is pretty good at the whole makeup thing so they could have probably made it believable too.

  4. big papa smurf Says:

    Um, wow this was hilarious.

  5. yui Says:

    you know, it wouldnt take much to find out the bald actor’s name…approx 30 seconds (go to wikipedia, search “iron man” scroll down to cast and characters)…do the research, u ass.

  6. Jesus Says:

    Still talking this way too serious people. The f***tard outdoes herself yet again.

  7. memsaab Says:

    I think you should have given it 2 out of 5 winks just for not having any cavewomen.

  8. eboybear Says:

    i think silversurfer should live in malibu too! :-D

  9. craig Says:

    Wow what movie was she watching. Obidia is his buisniss partner not his dad, there not cave men there terrorist, tony doesnt go back in time and he doest shoot lightning! Jeez!

  10. Landy Says:

    lol that was hilarious

  11. Garr Says:

    Great job, Val. You had me rolling again. I don’t know how people don’t get this. I can’t wait for the next one.

  12. Jim Says:

    Anyone that doesn’t recognise the genius of this review is likely to disappear into obscurity. I love how oblivious she is to reality, how she thinks actors make movies on their own, how bald men don’t have names and are lucky to be working in movies in the first place, and that cave people grow like mushrooms. Brilliant. More please…

  13. Anonymous Says:

    Wow! I never looked at it from your point of view, Malibu. You are something else. I am curious what you do in the real world so I can short the stock.

    McCain/Malibu 2012

  14. Are You F***ing Kidding Me? Says:

    Hey rich blond. Guess what? Nobody is on here because they think your a talented writer. Their on here because you are so goddam stupid! Its like you were in a car accident and had your head chopped from your body and wrote a movie review. People are laughing at you idiot.

    Do us all a favor and go marry some exec and stop writing reviews!

  15. Jeffr Says:

    You have got to be kidding me. you are the most retarded person that has held a pencil or typed a sentance. Jesus. I have never laughed so hard before today. Nice job hunnie……get a job that suits you, practice saying ” please pull around for your total”

  16. Stu from NY Says:

    I have never read such a poorly written or way off base review in my life. I found the link to it on Craigslist in a rant and rave section.Seriously, this young left coast valley girl should have paid more attention in her English class than to the fashion pages.In all seriousness, it has given me the best laugh I’ve had in a long time. Next time pay more attention to the movie. By the way honey, the bald guy is not really bald, he has a full head of hair and the character he was playing was not Tony Starks dad.

  17. carl11777 Says:

    Are you kidding me? This has to be a joke cuz there is no way you could have the intelligence to turn on the computer, get on the internet, and actually post something yet be such a fucktard when it comes to the actual review. I actually feel less intelligent for having read it. You have done the world a great disservice by actually posting that jibberish. You’ve single handedly set the women’s lib movement back about 150 years. May God have mercy on your soul and may your boyfriend have mercy on your poop chute. Peace out!

  18. Fans Says:

    Great review, sweetheart. You’re definitely developing as a reviewer. Ebert and Valerie? Hmm.

    Now, go finish your research paper. ;)

  19. Jimmy Says:

    HA! that was hilarious, you ARE getting better and better. Well, more hilarious that is…I loved the cavemen references and the led flashlight heart and the fight against his dad that happens to be evil and bald and inside the original robot suit that happens to be 300 FEET TALL (thank you for that fact..)BUt i hate you for spoiling that his dad is the loser of the epic fight. Even though..you said i had to rent this movie just to see who won…i hate you. Oh by the way, there WILL be a Iron man 2 and 3 dvd.THERES EVEN GOING TO BE A THEATRICAL RELEASE BEFORE THEN TOO (OMG).and harry potter is so popular because of the books…you DO know what a book is…right?

  20. memsaab Says:

    To some of you above: not all of us are laughing AT her. Quite a few of us are laughing WITH her, although we are laughing AT you. There’s a difference.

    Valerie: looking forward to the next one

  21. rack Says:

    the harry potter films are not a trilogy. A trilogy means “three-part”…harry potter has seven parts..

  22. humph Says:

    I hate this person called Fans who actually said the words “Ebert and Valerie”…but just that phrase pissed me off a whole lot.

  23. Movielady Says:

    Wonderful! I just had to go rent the film so I could enjoy your review. You go, girl!

  24. theantipoet Says:

    ummmm. yeah…..okay. Downey didn’t write the script, nor direct the movie, nor have a thing to do with the release of the dvd. you must be the biggest jackass i’ve seen online since reading rants on cl.

  25. The Black Canary Says:

    This poor attempt at dry sarcastic wit is about as funny as the crack in Robert Downey Jr.s’ ass

  26. david Says:

    if this is supposed to satirical and funny, well little girl you failed miserably…its not funny as a fake review, and offensive as a real review..and MEMSAAB and MOVIELADY comments were stupid that i checked out their “blogs” ….yeah u guys are at the bottom of the barrel…so it isn’t surprising that you guys would find this review to be any good…

  27. MovieMan Says:

    First of all that ‘bald guy’ (who is Jeff Bridges) is not Starks dad, he’s his supposed best friend who helps him run Stark Industries.

  28. FANS Says:

    After your research paper honey, will you go finish the antifreeze off? You were supposed to drink a cup a day. :-) Don’t make your mother and I put you back in the crawl space…

  29. jdd Says:

    ha ha now that was a funny review, nice job!! :D

  30. dmikey098 Says:

    Hey dumbass, you do realize Robert Downey Jr. is just an actor and didn’t do the casting or directing. Also Your whole speel about the “bald dad” doesn’t even make sense seeing that the bald guy isn’t his dad. You are a tool, don’t do another review.

  31. My Dad Is A Lawyer Says:

    Can we have the Supreme Court officially declare that being mean to people on the internet is the new American Pastime? Seriously, who watches baseball anymore.

  32. linda Says:

    hahaha love it!

  33. Jono Says:

    Wow you are such a dick! The bald guy is obadia not his dad, he makes weapons not just bombs. You are a fucking retard! There are no cavewomen because they do not live in the cave they just hold him hostage there, are you sure you watched Iron Man?

  34. the reject Says:

    Dude what are you talking about. Are you born in the reject shop or something?? Don’t a bum and get a brain. Just of fuck a tree

  35. Bobby Lob Says:

    You guys are fucking retards!! I know the plot and what frikin’ happens and I’ve only watched 1/2 the film!! YOU FUCKING RETARDS!!!
    FUCK!

  36. jumping jacks Says:

    are you sure you watched the movie?


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