The Many Lives Of Shia LaBeouf

I was talking with my friend Sarah (hi, Sarah!) and we started talking about Shia, of course. We talked about movies he’s made, then about upcoming movies he’s making that haven’t come out, yet. Eventually, we eventually started talking about movies we would love to see Shia make, if we had a choice in the matter. This post would go on forever if I didn’t break it up with specific categories, so this first entry will be specifically about biography movies.

Shia Musing

Biographies are movies about real people who become famous, then, at some point, get into really heavy alcohol and drugs or lose all their money or wealth and get really sad and angry and end up looking like they haven’t showered, but then an old friend helps them get back on their feet and the movie ends with a big performance or an award or something. There are literally hundreds of famous people throughout history, but I think the following would be good vehicles for Shia’s biography acting talents:

Shia Can Out-Elvis Elvis!

1. Elvis – Elvis was the person who discovered rock music back in the 1950’s, but later died when he overdosed on drugs when he was older. A movie like this would be a natural for Shia. Not only do most movie viewers already associate Shia with the 1950’s because of his motorcycle greaser character of Mutt Williams in The Crystal Skull, but Shia has that rebellious nature about him that Elvis had. Besides, we already know Shia has the tattoos and looks good in leather and it would be really amazing to hear him sing. I’m sure that if Shia hired a famous music person, like Justin Timberlake, that he could update a lot of those Elvis songs to make them sound more relevant to contemporary audiences. Also, Justin Timberlake can act really well, so he could play one of the guys in the band.

 

Shia + Motorcycle + Rock and Roll = Blockbuster!

The President Relaxes In The Oval Office

2. President Reagan - President Reagan was one of the most beloved presidents we have ever had in the United States, until his assassination by a man with a gun. If Shia wins an Oscar award for anything, it would be this movie role. Playing a man in his 80’s or 90’s, especially one in a different time period in history, would be nearly impossible for most actors to play, but I sincerely believe that Shia could pull this off. Not only would it help him break into more adult roles (not ‘adult’ in the dirty kind), but it would show Hollywood how

We Need An Oscar Over Here! Stat!

versatile of an actor he really is. I think, an important factor for making this performance really believable would be whom Shia cast in the role of the wife Mrs. Reagan. Despite already working together successfully, I would hesitate to suggest Megan Fox in the role only because she just seems kind of selfish and I think she would try to make her character too sexy and then ruin film’s credibility with the Oscars. Beyonce would kick butt, though, I think.

 

Shia + Beyonce + Assassination At The End (But Not Too Bloody) = Oscar nominations!

Old Time Movie Fans

3. Paul Newman – I don’t really know anything about him except that he just died recently and has been acting for a long time. The only reason I suggest this as a vehicle for Shia is because it would be a way for him to be seen by older people who may not know who Shia LaBeouf is (“Oh, it’s a very nice cave you live in…”) and who were sad that Mr. Newman died. I’m sure there are still a lot of Mr. Newman fans who are still alive and would love to see this movie. This would be especially amazing if Shia was able to get some of the Mr. Newman’s old time Hollywood friends that aren’t that famous anymore like Clint Eastwood (although, he recently worked as a cameraman on an Angeline Jolie film) or Zsa Zsa Garbo or Bill Cosby. Any of them would probably jump at the chance to, not only work again*, but to work with Shia.

 

Shia + Old School Hollywood = Respect From All Generations

Edison After Discovering Lightning

4. Thomas Edison – This guy was amazing, he pretty much did everything. Not only did he discover electricity (kite and a key, anyone?) and invent the telephone, but he is the person we all have to thank for movies. That’s right, he was the guy that figured out that a bunch of photographs taped together make a movie. This movie could be especially dramatic if, at first, a lot of the inventions don’t work, but he keeps trying and trying and then maybe an accident happens (he trips and spills something or types a wrong number) and it actually makes it work. How crazy would that be for Shia to play the guy that started the industry that he is a huge part of?

 

Shia + Inventions + Triumphant Music = Science Made Sexy

Will Hercules Get Out In Time?!

5. Hercules – When you talk about extreme sports, you have to give props to this guy, Hercules was the original extreme guy. This guy would let people lock him in chains and submerge him in a tank of water and he would have to escape from it. Even weirder was that this was his job! Hercules was a stage performer who did stunts about escaping from traps that were usually in water, so he would have to do this before he drowned. Some of you might think it was all special effects, but this was all done on stage in front of an audience of real people, so there was no way this was fake. Along with being thrilling, this would be a sad movie because Hercules was attacked and eventually killed by one of his fans. I think that Hercules would be a great role for Shia, not only because it gives him a chance to do some amazing stunts, but because there is a lot of room for drama. For example, it might be good if Hercules is in love with a married woman (especially, if it’s his friend’s wife or his brother’s wife) or maybe his own wife is dying and he has to raise money and doing stunts is all he knows how to do. Lots of room here for Shia to take some creative liberties.

 

Shia + Death Defying Stunts = Thrilling Blockbuster

 

So, that’s JMTC. Let me know what you guys think!

 

 

*NOTE: A lot of people my age don’t think about it, but just because you retire doesn’t mean you don’t need money. Old actors still have to pay rent and eat and probably have a thousand pills they have to take everyday and none of that is free just because you were famous once. It’s sad to say, but a lot of old actors don’t have any money so have to live in elderly people orphanages or are really sick and spend their time at convent hospitals. That’s no way for ex-famous people to have to live.

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Tags: 90265, beyonce, biographies, blockbuster, cinema, cute, Cuteness, edison, elvis, entertainment, film, hercules, hollywood, LaBeouf, Malibu, movies, paul newman, popcorn, reagan, sexy, Shia, smartness, youthful opinion

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